Lighten Up: The Humor Bulletin Board

Lighthearted stories from the the real estate field.

July 1, 1996

An allegedly real want ad in the Rocky Mountain News:

We're interested in hiring three semi-obnoxious, pushy account executives for a very boring, repetitious job of selling. Our rather dismal office is located in Longmont. You'd be forced to work in the office. Our current staff, which is the laziest group of individuals you'll ever see, drag themselves to work five days a week to decide whether to complain about the weather, the coffee, the thermostat, or the manager. When all that's over, they somehow manage to organize themselves, work their calls, and sell a whole lot of our services and products, which is surprising, because nobody wants to buy anything we sell, because our prices are too high, and the economy stinks. Applicants should have skin like an alligator and a desire to suffer their way to make at least a thousand a week. Paid training to the right three people.

It'll Never Work!

If people tell you your ideas won't work, consider these statements about new ideas:

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."---Western Union Internal Memo, 1876

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."---Charles H. Duell, commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."---Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

"The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."---Yale University professor of management in response to a paper by Fred Smith, who later founded Federal Express Corp., proposing overnight delivery service.

Source: LaughWeb,

Translation, Please

Here's how some English business slogans translate into other languages:

Braniff's "Fly in leather"
Spanish translation: "Fly naked."

Perdue Chicken's "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken."
Spanish translation: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."

Pepsi's "Pepsi brings you back to life."
Chinese translation: "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave."

---American Demographics magazine


The heaviest element known to science is managerium. The element has no protons or electrons but has a nucleus composed of one neutron, two vice-neutrons, five assistant vice-neutrons, 25 pro vice-neutrons, and 125 assistant pro vice-neutrons, all going around in circles. Managerium has a half-life of three years, at which time it doesn't decay but institutes a series of reviews leading to reorganization. Its molecules are held together by means of the exchange of tiny particles known as morons.

Source: Jay's Comedy Club,

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